A Boy and His Dog (1975)

Sometimes I get really worried about what will happen during apocalyptic times, mainly because the prevalence of things like “hot n’ ready” from Little Caesars must be an indication of truly terrible things to come. So I really appreciate it when Don Johnson appears on screen in “A Boy and His Dog” (1975) to reassure me that the things that really matter (like good abs and responsible pet ownership) will survive.

Initially I doubted the genius of this divinely inspired work, I mean the creative choices (outside the casting) were questionable at best.

The terrible sound design includes confusing things, like the apparent telepathic communications between boy and dog (which sounded more like some off screen commentary by some annoying old dude), and the random beeping noise which one eventually realizes is the dog’s extra sensory chick sonar, used to find potential sexual rape partners for Don. At first I thought: are misogynistic super powers the only ones that will manifest after the holocaust? Or is this dog a robot-bat hybrid? Or is my cell phone making a weird noise? But then I was distracted by the thought that perhaps, just perhaps, Don would take his shirt off at some point during the film and I forgot all about beeping and raping.

Don’t worry, after some barely intelligible movie theater sequence featuring some sort of blue film, a peeping tom sequence and a gun fight, yes, he does eventually take his shirt off.

Then he goes underground to follow a woman against the advice of his dog who he leaves injured topside (No! Don, don’t do it!). There is a delightful bath scene where Don is bathed by a large male robot while being watched by a number of oddly dressed underworld dwellers. Then Don is hooked up to some sort of sperm pump and married to a long line of brides. Not the most romantic wedding I have seen, but also not the least. Then there is an escape and an ending that just warms the cockles of one’s soul. Sigh. I mean Don really does see the error of his ways and that impregnating scores of women is not the most fulfilling thing in one’s post-apocalyptic life, caring for one’s telepathic dog is.

Admittedly the mise-en-scène is confusing for most of the film. A good portion of the film is muddied by poorly lit, dark and confusing shots. The distances between things were odd, particularly during the early sequence where Don watches a gang dig up canned goods unnoticed from a safe distance. His brilliant hiding spot appears to be about 30 unobstructed feet away in a flat bright desert. (huh? How is that possible?)

Holocausts affect eye sight. (Of course!)

This is comforting since it evens the post-apocalyptic playing field for those who need the benefits of a LensCrafters (which has been a real concern of mine) plus the whole movie makes a lot more sense once you understand this.

The bizarre clownish makeup worn by the underground dwellers makes perfect sense: poor eyesight and artificial lighting really create the need for white-face makeup with bright lipstick and rouge – so that one might more clearly recognize the smiling faces of one’s fellow undergrounders.

The fact that a young nubile Don would need to rape women in a post-apocalyptic world is crazy, especially if he has viable sperm, a telepathic dog, and isn’t glowing green! But if the ladies couldn’t see too well, this makes a lot more sense. I don’t imagine anyone would be smelling too good and his character didn’t exactly have the best game. The female he finds and intends to rape initiates sex after the gun fight. It must be that she finally got a good look at him close up.

At any rate, I recommend this film to anyone who loves dogs and a young Don Johnson.